Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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