Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
