I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
