i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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