Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
