he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
