after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
