I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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