Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
