yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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