I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
