TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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