Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
