So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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