I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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