It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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