Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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