So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
