I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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