my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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