Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
