i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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