Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize