we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
