is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
