you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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