i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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