I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
