Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
