first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
