Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
