So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
