At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the condom got lost in my hair
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
