Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
