Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
