She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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