Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
