We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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