I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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