I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
