i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
