so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize