my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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