dude i'm inner monologue high
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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