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I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My room smells like vodka and shame
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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