my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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