I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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