i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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