You just made me feel so damn special
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm passing your future prison.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
