Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize