I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
