am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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