p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The air was thick with penises
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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