3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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