im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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