I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Couch. On fire.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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