What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
