HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Small penises have feelings too.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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