I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
try to milk me bitch
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