yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
