he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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