I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize