Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
