Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
