The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
