It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
