Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
