Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
