There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Your cock deserves a montage
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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