I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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