I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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