Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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