trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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