ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
