As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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